Animosity and Adoration
by Tomoyo-chan
Summary: Tomoyo's thoughts....from her love to hate of Sakura....


a/n: This is a fic that I am writing for a little break from From Darkness To Light. I don't know where this is going, but it's Tomoyo's views on everything.  
  
Summary: Tomoyo's views of Sakura. Her opinions on everything, from her love, to her hate.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own this, those wonderful ladies at Clamp do.  
rating: pg  
genre: angst/general  
  
  
Animosity and Adoration  
by Tomoyo-chan  
02-02-02  
  
I love her.  
  
I love her gentleness, dedication, and her beauty. I love the delicate way she depends on me, the way that she will lean on me now that Syaoran is gone. I love her so much.  
  
Many people think that it is wrong, those select few that know. Those who are so closed minded that thye can't see an innocent love. They see a girl and a girl who are together, and they think, "ew".   
  
But what do they know? They are ignorant fools. Idiots, who know nothing of me, nor do they know Sakura. If they knew her, they would be in love with her, the gentle way that she can make someone who is supposed to be her sworn enemy fall in love with her.  
  
She makes it so easy to trust. Her large emerald eyes, her kawaii facial features. The way that she can so easily make friends. Her innocent nievity, and the way that she can be so clueless sometimes. The way that she can find out whatever she wants to-if she really wants to know the answers. Sometimes I wonder how much she knows about me. If she knows the truth about how much I love her. If she can see through my smiling masks to my pain inside.  
  
Her cardcapturing days were dark for me. Kero repeatedly told him that I have no magic, but I wished so hard that I did. I could help Sakura, that way, and I didn't have to be protected...but then the chinese boy showed up, and he did that job for me in the end. I was no longer needed, but was a near bother, videotaping, and a liability. A loose end. A potential danger. They would risk their own lives to protect my own, but that didn't matter to me. I wanted my own power-something that I would never have, even though magic runs deep in my bloodlines. Nadeshiko had it, Touya, Fujitaka is the half reincarnation of Clow Reed, for crying out loud. And there I was, by myself, someone who had the magical potential of a statue.  
  
During those days I made her costumes. Those were my happier moments, when I could tape my precious Sakura, my cherry blossom. I pretended that I could weave protection when I made those costumes. That they could protect her by my sheer will. But those failed at points, and that was when Li Syaoran stepped in to be the savior. She ended up saving his life often enough, but that was not the point. He could do something that I couldn't.  
  
I know that I can never have her. She is Li Syaoran's, meant by destiny. She is his, and he is hers. There would be no other way. But she thinks that there is someone out there for me, in fact, she insists that there is. She said that she saw HIM, but she couldn't tell me. She said that I know who he is, but until I open my eyes, that I won't be able to see who he is.   
  
  
I hate her.   
  
I hate Sakura at the same time that I love her. I know that I am a walking contradiction, but I can not help it. I hate her for opening the Clow cards. I hate the way that she can make people fall in love with her so easily. Her charming charisma is almost sickening, but she can not help it. No more than she could escape her destiny of opening the Clow cards, however much that I wish that she didn't, or that she failed her test with Yue.   
  
I know that I am just as skinny as she is, but she is so atheletic. She is in perfect shape, and although she is a cheerleader, she can still eat whatever she wants. I know because when she has her spells and is all drained, she can eat several pounds of food and never gain more than three pounds. She is so attractive that all of the guys in the school would love to have her as a trophy on his arm. But she doesn't allow that to happen.  
  
Her dedication to Syaoran Li annoys me at times as well. I know that they are destined for each other, but that doesn't mean that she can not have fun at parties and relax sometimes. The way she can carry on about how perfect he his, the way his hair falls perfectly into place, the way that he moves...I have heard it a thousand times, but she never truely realized how sick I was of hearing about it. She could go on for hours about how he is so powerful and how he is so faithful to the Li clan. But that doesn't matter now that he is back in China.   
  
At one point in time, she was very possesive of him. She stopped letting me look at him, or even call him Syaoran-kun, because it denoted a closer relationship to him than Li-kun did. She wouldn't allow me to talk to him at certian points, but I knew it was because she was afraid that he could fall in love with me. "Yeah, Right, Sakura-chan" I wanted to say. He is smitten with her, nothing can pull those two apart.   
  
I will walk alone until I can let go of Sakura. I will wait. I can wait. I will wait to see if I fall in love with someone else....I can mask my unhappiness with out her.   
  
I love her...I hate her.  
Animosity and Adoration....  
  
  
  
a/n: Whew! I wrote this in less than a day! I think I am finally over my writers block....or maybe its this new computer....^_^. Please Review, it would be greatly appreciated! Ja ne, til next time! 


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